Own Your Apology: No "Buts" About It

We’re human. Mistakes happen. Sometimes, we need to step back, acknowledge where we went wrong, and intentionally take action to move forward. Apologies aren’t just words—they’re about communicating that you’ve considered the other person’s feelings, validating their experience, and genuinely expressing remorse for your words or actions.

But here’s the thing—apologizing isn’t just for them. It’s for you, too.

Owning your mistakes frees you from the weight of unresolved tension. It’s an intentional decision to shift your energy towards something healthier and more productive. When we hold onto our mistakes without addressing them, they linger. But when we step up, take responsibility, and own our stuff, we grow, heal, and thrive.

Yet, time and time again, I hear people say, "I don’t need to apologize—they’re fine." Nope. Even if the other person is acting "normal," it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t own what happened. An apology is about who you are, not just how they react. Trust me, apologizing isn’t easy, but like any muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. And that strength? That’s emotional growth.

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The "HOW" of a Real Apology

The sweet spot is HOW you apologize. A real apology acknowledges fault, not just sympathy. Those fake, passive-aggressive, non-apologies? They do more harm than good.

"I’m so sorry that yooooou felt I was wrong when I ignored you and was sarcastic."

Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s not an apology. That’s a masterclass in deflection.

A half-baked, insincere apology can intensify hurt, create resentment, and even fuel the desire for payback. If you’re not actually sorry, don’t apologize. Seriously. Don’t. Your insincerity will show, and it will only damage the relationship further.

Instead, wait until you’re truly ready—not just to apologize, but to own everything about your role in the situation and commit to not repeating the mistake.

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The Ingredients of a REAL Apology

A strong apology clearly articulates what you did wrong so the other person knows you’re on the same page. It’s uncomfortable. It’s hard. But it matters.

✔ Own it. No excuses, no blame-shifting. Just own your stuff.

✔ Be specific. Generic apologies don’t cut it. Saying "I’m sorry I messed up" is vague. Instead, try: "I’m sorry I didn’t put my phone down when you were upset. I can see how that made you feel unimportant."

✔ Leave forgiveness out of it. Apologizing isn’t about them forgiving you. It’s about taking responsibility for your actions. Let them process in their own time.

✔ Stay on purpose. The goal isn’t to make yourself feel better; it’s to acknowledge and repair the hurt you caused.

Own your stuff.

And here’s a big one:

🚨 Edit the "BUTs" 🚨

"I’m sorry, BUT I was stressed.""I didn’t mean to hurt you, BUT you overreacted."

Anytime you use the word but, you’re not fully owning it. Buts create excuses and deflect responsibility. Instead, notice that discomfort, sit with it, and tell yourself: "I’m uncomfortable, and that’s okay. I will be more comfortable once I fully own my stuff."

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Final Thoughts

Apologizing is hard because being human is hard. But when we intentionally own our mistakes, take responsibility, and commit to doing better, we become the people we truly want to be.

Hope this helps. Now go own your stuff. 💙